Aidan-Bayden,

When you were still in my tummy Mommy and Daddy went to the doctors and we found out that you were a boy.

I remember thinking that because we already had your brother Jacek, that whatever I had already done with him or learned about being a mom would naturally just apply to being your mom as well.

What I never expected was for you to be so opposite of your brother.

It almost feels unfair now, for me to have ever assumed you would be like him and that things would just be easier because I had already done it once before.

If you can steal a newborns individuality I feel I sort of stole yours by slapping a “been there done that” sticker on your sweet little newborn-ness.

Shame on me, right?

I can say now and proudly I might add that you are 110% your own little person and I am so entirely in love with you.

Not only have I enjoyed being a Mom from an entirely different angle but I am finally learning to cherish the challenges you are throwing my way because together you and I get to experience the same situations as Jacek and I but with new eyes.

I admit I did not love the idea at first, my ego was hurt since I thought I had this Mom thing in the bag, but you made me realize just how much I didn’t know and now I am learning to welcome the contrast.

Being a Mom is not inclusive.  I am two Moms rolled into one.  Jacek’s Mom AND Aidan’s Mom.

I love that.  I so very much love that.

I totally just started crying Aidan, because I feel so lucky and satisfied in this life with you and Daddy and Jacek.

This past year has been such a huge year for you.

Such fantastic accomplishments; talking so well and clear, dressing yourself, using the toilet, no more naps, so polite and friendly.

and things we’re working on; temper tantrums, dinner time frustrations, sharing, copying your brother.

You have grown so big, literally outgrowing hand me downs in just a few weeks and needing your own “big boy” wardrobe.

You still love to cuddle with me and recently we’ve begun to have these conversations that let me see into your heart.

You’ll lay all squished up on my lap and as you talk to me you’ll touch my hair or my face.

You make me feel so treasured.

At times when there is nothing going on, unexpected times you will tell me that you love me and I am left with the feeling that a million butterflies are fluttering in my heart.

It is one of the best feelings I have ever experienced.  It is love in its most purest and honest form.

I hope I show you the same.

You will be starting school next month.  It’s only two hours, two days a week but it is less time spent with me.

I both welcome and resist the changes that I know it will bring us.

So please forgive me if I start to hold your hand with more strength or if my hugs tend to feel a little tighter or if I stare at you across the dinner table harder and longer…..

it’s just Mommy holding on.

Let me kiss your face a hundred times a week, sing silly songs that make no sense, and say I love you to the moon and back every night because

it’s all going so fast Goober butt.

Have an amazing birthday my love.

I wish for you a year full of growing bigger, laughing harder, playing around, and I love yous for no reason at all.

I love you Aidan Laurence Brennan….

dinosaur twinkle and I love you to the moon and back times a gazillion and three.

Love.

Mommy.